This morning is overcast. One daughter listening to music. One playing with legos. Brad is sleeping. We had a little BBQ last night with a few friends and family, some from out of town. Some from around the corner. We sat around that green table you see. It was so fantastic. There are some people, that when you see them, everything moves along so easily, dreams are understood and things have motion. This is what last night was like for me. There was great food and singing and children playing.
It's hard to describe this transition back to doing my music, but what you might relate to is that when I was doing my music before, for all those years, there was so much naivete and fear leading every move I made. I actually was frozen by fear. I chose to velcro myself to one or two of the wrong people in the music industry and let them have full control of my choices. Skylines crumbled. You know? I didn't know better. I just didn't know.
I built things back up for myself back then, released albums on my own, toured, but I think in a way I became too independent. Somehow isolated. All fear related. To see it clearly now in retrospect and to work on addressing that part of my personality which always strode forward in fear....well..it's a relief. It's a whole new world without fear. Fear is so heavy. Just like an anvil.
In a way, it took me years to recover from those years. I started a blog and learned to "homestead" along with so many of you. Also a bit introverted of me, perhaps. But I had tiny children then and the isolation felt somehow good. Until now.
That caterpillar in the photo was a little guy/gal I was transfixed with for hours. If you sit and think about a caterpillar for a moment, it will blow your mind - how there is a little caterpillar, and then a chrysalis, and then a butterfly - and you will realize you don't need anymore proof than that to know life is magic. And we can fly. If we can only believe.
Yesterday we (Brad and I) were testing the video component on his Nikon (in our noisy backyard) and getting me used to talking about myself and the project on camera. (The "project" for those of you who don't yet know is the soon-to-be fundraiser for my new studio album.) We are shooting the real thing later this week in a different location, with a good microphone, I'll be more dressed up, and truly explaining about the project (and not being such a total goof!) BUT... I thought you might enjoy these funny outtakes. See! Fun things on my journey you can get nowhere else but my blog. And I'll keep 'em, comin'!
And one more thing...after you watch the video, please visit my Etsy store. I am liquidating. Prices are unbelievably low. Tanks for $8. Tee dresses for $10. And much more. (Please email me if you don't see your size or color..I may not get every item up on Etsy.). The store will be closing very soon for an undertermined amount of time. Get it all while you can.
See you soon.