The end of the year has an impact on me. Does it on you? Maybe it's because my birthday is near. Or the holiday fuss makes me fidgety, but I get a little weird....
I always want to tear everything apart and clean it out and put it back together.
I want to string white lights all over the place. Even in the bathroom. Even in my car.
I throw away everything that reminds me of things that didn't go as planned.
I shove all the crafting I didn't do with the girls all year into a 10 day blizzard of dough and paper and yarn.
I get a head cold and clean my workspace while feeling weak and stuffy and drinking ginger tea.
I eat too many tangerines from the local fruit stand. (Yes, you can eat too many. Yes we have a local fruit stand.)
I make quilt after quilt until I hate quilting more than anything, ever. (But I love the quilts so much I want to eat them and I know the people I'm making them for will love them even more.)
I plan to make those clove and orange-rind tea-candle holder thingymajigers.
I look at Pinterest too much.
I decide to own (and build) a cabin.
I dream of snow.
I get off the green juice thing and start drinking a lot of things with cream in it. Anything with cream I can get my paws on: coffee, hot cocoa, mochas, egg nog. Whipped cream piled high as 20 eiderdown blankets. More. Just anything. Kahlua and cream? Sure. Let's go. Get on it.
I fantasize for hours on end about getting my own Reindeer. Just one. Or maybe two. So they won't be lonely. I plan on walking them around the neighborhood for exercise, but then realize people will want to talk to me too much if I'm out walking reindeer around. You know, asking me questions about my reindeer and that will annoy me a great deal. I'm not much for small talk.
I promise next year I will knit more hats in my spare time and, mostly, get my new music out there.
And then I say it loud and clear enough for all to hear: next year is the f****** year!! Just cause. It's December. And I get a little edgy. (I really don't plan to be like this next December.)
Then I think: life is pretty good. And generally, I'm making good progress. And someone's got to have perseverance. And someone's got to keep swinging. And I could build a cabin. And that's pretty much what December is like for me. It's a little tiring.
Maybe it's because I'm turning the awesome age of 43 in a few days. Or because I listen to James Taylor "At Christmas" too much. But I get kind of teary, too. And I look at how big my girls have gotten. And I sigh a lot, thankful that they are still young enough to make a lot of spelling mistakes. One wrote me a card the other day that said: "Mama you hav owes bin myine" (Mama, you have always been mine.) And that'll get ya, you know. Man, that'll just really get ya.
So. Much love to you and I'm glad I'm kinda back in this space. Filling it up. Clearing out the cobwebs. Because, I have missed you, readers. If you are still out and about. I wanted you to know, I still think about you. And I'm wishing the best for you this December. Whether you are holding it together or just letting it all hang out. Have a wonderful, beautiful, holiday.