Yesterday was long and hard and I think, in the end ...good. It was full of conversations with Brad and re-hashing and sometimes raised voices and once just a few tears (mine, of course- I don't think I've ever seen him squeeze out a few tears except when Raji passed on.) Yesterday was a decision and a plan.
Some of you will remember that last year I was taking part in a weekly art show here where we live (which Brad does every week with his landscape photography business.). It's a great art show, and the oldest in the country. But, they won't let me sell the clothes there because even though I handsew the designs on them, I don't make the clothes themsleves.
So, I've needed to find another outlet to sell the clothes. Retail is ok for some of the items I have, but not all. And if I could just tell you how much work it is to do retail. Ugh. I am lucky to have some awesome stores that my stuff does well in but ... but finding more stores like that doesn't happen quickly, and...worst of all, it's not something I have a lot of control over.
So: another iron in the fire, so to speak, is the idea of selling once a month at various Art and Craft festival shows. You know...the kinds you have taken your kids to, had lemonade while listening to music and strolling down the isles of neat stuff to do and buy. After months of Brad pushing me towards doing those kinds of festivals in our region, I finally gave in yesterday. Why was it so hard to give in? Just the sheer amount of money and work it takes to get rolling with it. The sheer amount of stock I need to buy. The "gear" (tent, tables, etc...) See, these shows aren't so "relaxed" like the local one I was doing here. These shows, some of them, are quite big.
So yesterday..., I made my decision to go for it. And, while feeling very sick to my stomach, ordered a lot more clothes to sew on. I haven't even secured my first show...but Brad is sure I will be accepted into many of them. He has been in this business for a long time and done shows all over the place and I am putting my full faith in his expertise. See, we need to send most of these festivals a photo of my booth all set up in order for me to get accepted. This makes me doubly nervous. Isn't that putting the cart before the horse? Well, that's just how you start up a business evidently. You put the freaking cart before the freaking horse.
Yes. I want to cry for the frustration of having to take another new step. I feel tired of taking new steps and I want to punch the air (and I have.) But I also know that there will be an end to this newness and eventually I'll find my groove. I keep holding onto that image. Where things will be flowing and I will be at the helm of that flow. Right now I feel like I'm forever being knocked about in the waves.
But- I won't give up. I believe in what I'm making- the clothes and the sewn sketches, too. And I woke up this morning and this flower ended up on this long tank dress. I love it so much. I mean, I would wear this. And if that's the only faith I have to keep me hanging on this morning, so be it. (This particular dress sold, another just like it will be up very shortly.)
I want you to know also that so many of you out there, whether or not you know it, have been such a support to me. I hold that support dear. You have been an integral part of this process, a place to bounce things off of and so many of you have given me such great ideas! (The latest one was an owl on a sweatshirt here.)
So. It's just another day. Right? Just one more day and a little bit more faith. I can do it.